Napa Winery's Only Profitable Product Is Parking

Reporting its strongest quarter in six years, a Silverado Trail winery disclosed Thursday that the entirety of its operating profit came from a $45 parking fee and an enforcement program now staffed by nine attendants, sources confirmed.

The winery sold 210 cases during the period and issued 1,400 citations.

“We figured if they weren’t going to buy a bottle, they get a ticket. And it’s voided at the register with any purchase, so nobody is actually being penalized here — functionally it’s a discount,” said general manager Roland Pike, adding that the program had been extended in June into a reciprocal enforcement agreement with eleven neighboring estates. “If this is your third winery in a row without buying wine, we boot the car. I’m not going to apologize for that. At some point you’re not a guest, you’re a tour.”

Pike said the attendants are cross-trained in hospitality and carry a tablet that pulls purchase history from the shared network. Wine is now classified internally as a customer acquisition cost.

At press time, the winery had converted its barrel room into 40 additional covered spaces at $70 each.