Tech Exec Purchases Vineyard, Personality

Closing on a 40-acre hillside property for an undisclosed sum, former enterprise software executive Brant Kessler acquired a vineyard and a personality Friday, sources confirmed. “I’ve always been a farmer at heart. I think I just didn’t know it,” said Kessler, who has owned dirt for eleven weeks and now proudly sports a sleeveless puffer vest. “There’s an honesty to this that you don’t get in tech. You’re working with your hands.” Kessler, whose hands have not touched the property, went on to describe the soil as his teacher, refer to a hired farming crew as “we,” and announce that the first vintage would be uncompromising. He has hired a consultant, a winemaker, a second consultant to check the first consultant, and a documentarian.